Decoding December Drama
Observing, understanding and intentionally shifting your mindsets through 'the festive period' using the Drama Triangle by Stephen Karpman.
In an email today I reminded a coachee of The Drama Triangle. A very popular model and tool for understanding the different unproductive roles we can play in different situations. And the more positive roles we can play.
Drama Triangles everywhere
In the past few years I have been (re)introduced to The Drama Triangle many times and been used in a variety of sessions:
In my coaching training and various sessions
In a leadership training course I ran with Andrea Mignolo and Gary Hoff
In my ADHD training
In relation to Austin the AI Coaching project I was working on last year
In various sessions around coaching, leadership etc.
Helping my friend and collaborator, Kate Leto with a recent talk that features it
In general, I have loved the model. Like others seem to. However, for some reason I have always struggled to internalise the different roles and frames. I wonder if you easily forget them.
I think part of the problem is that people use varying language. Probably for good reason. Eg, Hero vs Rescuer. Presence vs Empowerment.
Who knows, with a bit more time I could try to create my own version for my clients and for my own benefit.
What do you struggle with, if anything around the model?
Regardless of any shortcomings, there is a reason it's popular. It's very powerful and relatable to most.
At this point, if you're not familiar, or need a refresher, I would recommend you watch this explainer video below and review Kate Leto's LinkedIn article and talk from Product at Heart conference.
After emailing my client back, I took my dog for a walk. My collaborator, fixer, and all-round business-saver Cat asked me what sort of gift could I give to people over xmas. Something that is not too worky. But helpful for work. And maybe life generally.
The serendipity struck me. I could encourage people to look at December through the lens of the drama triangle.
Some common situations you could observe
Some of the situations you could observe through the lens of drama, empowerment and presence over this period could include:
The overwork and hustle to get to the end of the year
The rushing around sorting presents at the last minute
Debating when you will go where and how you will escape
Getting the kids away from the iPad and YouTube on the TV
Cooking the Christmas Dinner
Getting back from a late night New Year's Eve party
Sitting next to a real bore at a dinner party when all the best conversations are happening on the other end of the table
Welcoming the wider family at your's
Debating which xmas movie to watch
Arguing over who is on their smartphone the most
The scramble to get the house ready for guest
Trying to steal time to do some self-reflection and year ahead planning
What else can you think of that fills you with some fear or trepidation and involves interacting with others?
A festive challenge for you
If you can relate to some of the situations above, you'll appreciate how The 'festive period' can be super stressful for many.
I believe that with enough perspective, and the lens of the Drama Triangle, you can learn a lot. Learn about yourself. Your childhood. Your relationships. How you behave differently in different situations with different people. What you need. And how to get yourself into a healthier relationship with yourself and others.
Oof! that's a lot.
So, here is the challenge:
As you are doing, experiencing, and interacting with the others through the xmas period, try to step back and ask some questions to yourselves:
What role am I playing now in this situation? What roles have I played today or through this period?
What roles are others playing in this situation? Or did they in the situations I remember?
What is pushing or pulling me and others towards those roles?
How could I take a more positive role? How did others shift their role based on what was going on?
How can I take this learning into my work?
How can I practice some positive roles in my interactions over the festive period?
Ideally you'd write it down. Or just spend some time to look around and commit some of the situation to memory. NB, this will be harder when you are in ‘drama’.
I'm going to have a think about how I might make a tool out of it, and think through some ways in which you could visually annotate the model to help better internalise and make you more aware of how situations affect the roles you drift towards. And how you can more consciously shift to a more empowering, winning, thriving role.
If you have any thoughts, frustrations or interesting experiences related to the Drama Triangle and the festive period, drop me a comment here.
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I’m Jason Mesut. I help people explore positive futures. For themselves, their organizations, and the worlds they serve. Navigating the uncertainties of their present.
I do this through Creative Coaching, Strategic Consulting, Community Connection, and Shaping Designers.
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